A Prayer for More (satire)


Dear God,

Thank you for your abundance and love.  You have always taken care of me and met my every need and I know, because I’m an American, that you will continue to do so.  You are such a good God:  One of the best.  You are the creator of all things and I know you want me to have as many of those created things as possible, pressed down and shaken together (as it says in your word).

I don’t want to be negative but I want to share the pain in my heart.  I know you can see it from where you sit and it is certainly obvious to anyone who passes by that our home needs new siding.  Of course, with the restrictions of our home-owner’s association, it cannot be a  vinyl, not that I would chose this but I’m simply reminding you.  So, I’m praying for a high quality fiber board or real cedar with a dark stain, if at all possible.  We can talk colors later.

And Dear Lord, I noticed the other day that my shoes were scuffed on the toes.  I am embarrassed to wear them in public…I now know what it must have felt like to have all those people looking down on you while you were on the cross; mortifying, isn’t it?  I’ve been through my closet and ALL of my shoes are in this shape.  Of the 12 pair I own, not one is truly in step with today’s fashion.  A new set of black dress shoes would be lovely.  Thank you, God, in advance of your generosity!

Thank you, Jesus for knowing the condition of our shoes.  You even know the condition of our water and while we are on the subject,  please remind the delivery service that the salt should be placed BESIDE the furnace and not in front of the water softener where everyone can see it.

It says in your Word that we are to lift up all our cares and burdens because you will take them from us.  I know you hear my prayer and will meet my needs.  And so, I thank you for the abundance with which you have blessed us.  But honestly, God, it has caused quite a dilemma.  With so much food on our pantry shelves, we have to remodel that space.  And so I ask that you will give me wisdom as I pick out the correct carpenter to remodel the pantry.  And PLEASE help me find someone who will not suggest that horrible wire shelving!  As a child of God, I know you want the best for me and my family.

Thank you.  Thank you.  You know these burdens of my heart and I’m so thankful that you will hear me and answer.  I always feel so much better when I can just give these concerns up to you.

I can’t wait to talk to you again tomorrow.

AMEN.