Dear Austin’s Acre,
In a romantic moment, I bought my wife a Partridge in a Pear Tree for her Christmas gift. I originally planned on doing something that resembled all Twelve Days of Christmas but I didn’t realize how expensive the bird would be. Don’t even get me started on the bush of fruit that came along with it. Now I don’t have enough money to buy the two french hens, let alone the four calling birds. I’ve blown my entire budget on this one gift and the more I look at it, the more stupid I feel. What should I do?
Signed, A Bird In The Hand
First, you have done yourself a favor. As I always say, “When the world gives you partridges, you make dinner”. Take the tasty bird and turn it into a romantic supper for two. Seriously. I did a quick Google search of “Best Roast Partridge Recipes” and in less than .20 of a second, I had 733,000 results. But taking the search a step further, I added “pear” to the string and came up with the BBC’s own recipe for a delectable treat that combines all the ingredients already in your hand! But be careful to cook the little bird until the internal temperature is 180 degrees or you will all die.
Beyond that little warning, I think you have everything you need to make the best Christmas Dinner of your life and, in the process, save Christmas.
As an added gift, use the wood from the tree to create something that will be remembered for years: A candle holder, a coffee table, a picture frame, a diamond ring, a stack of wood. Be creative. Why do I have to do all the thinking here?
I hope this Christmas is one of the most fulfilling yet (or at the very least, the most filling).
Good luck and good eating!